How would I go about helping my dad to get his house somewhat stumble proof and getting things like shower handrails or whatever? It’s always awkward talking to him about it, we mostly try to pretend not to notice new symptoms and he’s doing pretty well, but does use a walking stick often. Would y’all be offended if a relative wants to buy and set things up? For example I’ve mentioned the electric toothbrush idea several times and he hasn’t gotten one, (but he struggles getting his hand up, much less brushing efficiently) he has money and doesn’t want me buying stuff, but he isn’t buying anything. I don’t wanna be pushy, but nervous daughter here looking on advice on how to get some assistive things around his house without hurting his feelings.
Everyone’s going to be different, but if it were me, I wouldn’t want my family to just get me accessibility items. It’s really sweet to want to help and I know there’s good intentions behind it, but each step I take with receiving help makes me feel more “disabled”. As silly as that sounds, that’s why I haven’t gone handrails in my shower yet, even though I should.
As tough as it is, I think it’s best to get him on board first before buying anything but that’s just me.
I’d love to hear what other people think about this one. I am going to split this discussion off into its own topic.
He sounds a lot like my dad, typical curmudgeon. A lot like me, too. I do have handrails in the shower, and love them!
Can you contact his neurologist’s office for a referral to someone who specializes in making a home “safe?” Here in Denver, there’s a company that does that, installs everything from shower bars and ramps to designing and installing lift chairs and elevators. I’m sure they deal with people who are somewhat resistant to change.
I’ve learned that sometimes it’s best to just do it - take him to the store, and say stuff like “Oh look, this will make brushing your teeth so much easier, and the dentist won’t have to work so hard! You’re getting this.” Then throw it in the cart. Sometimes you HAVE to be pushy. And sometimes the threat of extensive dental work vs. an alternative toothbrush is enough! I use a stick to walk a lot of the tiime, and make sure there aren’t throw rugs, etc that will trip me up. Here’s some info: Home Safety | Parkinson's Foundation
Advice from Jess Neal, a Parkinsons’ specialty nurse:
I would recommend she ask Dad if she can attend his next specialist appt… I think some of this ‘trickier’ conversations need to be had-and they are best placed to be had with the Parky team. I always say to my relatives-you do a hard enough job as it is, let me be the person that suggests things, don’t cause upset in your relationship for this. I can make referrals to OT’s/ physios as I see appropriate and get the equipment after discussing with her dad and perhaps getting him to understand that he needs these things…
Tell him it is always good to expect the best but plan for the worse. And that is all you are doing. Being proactive is better than being reactive. Trust me he doesn’t want to fall in the shower and then have fire men and paramedics coming into the bathroom to pick him up off the floor. Then the neighbors start asking. Where a simple shower chair, some grab bars, and a gorilla grip bath mat. And area rugs, and runners are tripping hazards.
I know you said that it’s not the money but sometimes people don’t want to spend the money on themselves like that and don’t want other people to buy them things either. I did find that the some local towns or cities in your state have senior citizen, grants that you can get help from. I was able to get a lift chair for my step mother-in-law, but they also wanted to donate a portable potty, shower handles, little ramps for the front steps of the house. They can actually come out and assess and see what you need but you have to see if it’s available in your area might be worth a look into.